meander

A slow Sunday morning

I have always wanted to be an early bird, but my bed is too cozy to abandon even a

s i n g l e

moment earlier than I have to. That’s why my alarms are set for exact times: 7:11, 7:43, 8:02. I crave the days when I don’t have to know what time it is, when I get to meander through the day and give up the great burden of trying to be on time.

Most days, I’m attached to my calendar. I put everything on there — what time I’m going on a hot date or working with a coaching client or lifting weights or going bowling, reminders to water the plants, prep the steak, take out the recycling, call the dentist, even to remind people about things. I set reminders to remind people.

But today was different.

I was woken up nice and early by my roommate’s tittens mewing outside my door. When I opened it, there they sat, blinking at me in surprise. I didn’t sleep great — the power went out right before bedtime and I was a little freaked out during the night.

I greeted them groggily and decided to get the day started. I could always go back to bed for a morning nap if necessary, I reasoned. I followed them down the stairs, amused at how high they both held their tails. Why do cats have tails?

The next few hours were chill as all hell. I sat in the backyard in my camping chair, drinking a tall cup of tea. I happily got lost in a book while the cats rolled around in catnip and tried to knock over my bowl of mango (again, with the tails). I put on a radio station on Spotify based on this song.

The irises began to bloom.

Occasionally I’d go inside and do mini-errands, like looking for something in the garage or getting a salmon stick. I’d walk by my sad plant and wonder what she needed. Yesterday I went to Somewhere That’s Green, the gay plant shop, to ask their advice.

Sad little guy. Anyone know what it is? Send help.

I inherited her from my mother who would exclusively give her coffee. I’d never done such a thing, and the people at Somewhere That’s Gay were shocked. However we decided that since the plant was used to coffee, I better just give her some. We talked about how if someone is used to having cigarettes, you better just give them a cigarette. We all shrugged and I left.

I fired up the percolator and anointed her with nitrogen while crossing my fingers that she will perk up. She really is so pretty when she’s perky.

I had no intention of having caffeine today…but it smelled so good. I sat back down in my camp chair with a short cup of hot brown. Gradually, the whites of my eyes became more visible. Alabama Shakes, Lake Street Dive, Houndmouth and other nice folks kept singing in the background.

I feel lighter than I have all week. I gained some clarity around a few things that have been eating my brain.

One is that I had a big chat with my partner, who I am about to move in with. It’s a big move and it is bringing up some fears deep down inside me. As always, my cutie, pictured below, was receptive AF. Whenever I bring a knot of fear to him, we work through it together and I always walk away feeling better. Thanks, guy! Now I can tap into my excitement about how we are going to arrange the credenza.

~*by wolfgang roman angus rudel devine*~

And two - I realized that I may be crowding a friend who has been needing space. I have been worried that space means something very, very bad, but there is a chance that it’s a harbinger of something very, very good. I have needed space so many times in my friendships and it always sucks. It’s also uncomfortable to be the one waiting on the other end for things to resume. All I want is to be back on the dance floor (of friendship). However, today I feel peace about waiting. They can take as much time as they need, and I’ll be here with the light on.

There I sat, drinking in the slowness and feeling grateful to be on this side of the pain. The neighbors were quiet and the sun was kissing the entire DAY! My toes sank into the warm grass appreciatively. I had nowhere I needed to be. I felt rich.

My phone rang. It was my brother (typical), FaceTiming me with young Francis and Esther in the car. They were on their way to a hike. Since my birthday was around the corner, I put in a request — whenever one of us Evridges has a bday, the rest of us pitch in and get a collective gift. I said I’d like something fun that has nothing to do with my business. I just want delight. Esther gasped and said, I know JUST the thing. Garrett said, Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yes! she said, quivering in the backseat. Normally I would have pried but I generously let her have a secret.

Francis suggested a hundred dollar gift card to Target and Esther said, Maybe five hundred is better. We hung up, and my mom texted me that she was going to send me a monkey named Rudy, and also maybe a can of beans. I think I’m in good hands.